Life hasn't quite panned disney baby out how you thought it would to this point, has it Leo? The goo

Hello dear reader, fellow traveller of the universe, wondrous being of light and love. Wait, I'm describing myself. How have you been, oh precious one? It has been a while, hasn't it? My sincerest apologies. I cannot imagine how you have made it through this treacherous world the past few months without my incredibly accurate cosmic predictions. And if you haven't, well I daresay you won't be reading this anyhow.  While some refer to it as 'the most wonderful time of the year', I am more wont to think of the holiday season as the three or four days a year we all pretend to be nice to each other, thereby generating false hope there is more to humanity than mass-consumerism, disney baby empty promises and Shane Warne's Twitter musings*.  With that in mind, I've had to reach deep into the recesses of the universe to muster the strength to find the insight you need this festive season. What I've found isn't pretty. Yours astrologically,  disney baby Astra Nomical
Someone in your life keeps trying to prod and probe to find what lies beneath the surface. It's about time you told them there is nothing there, you're simply devoid of thought and emotion. At least you're really good looking, though.
Sometimes disney baby I wonder how you've made it this far, Cancer. This month you'll continue to astonish everyone when you get a raise. Being unemployed and on social welfare is really starting to pay off, isn't it?
Life hasn't quite panned disney baby out how you thought it would to this point, has it Leo? The good news is everyone loves surprises, so you'll be over the moon when you find out there is in fact a place below rock bottom, and that's where you're headed for quite some time.
When carollers descend upon your personal space this Christmas, try to keep your hands to yourself for a change, Scorpio. I know you haven't had any action for a while, but publically groping an aging carol singer is not the path to true love.  
You've always disney baby believed in miracles, especially Christmas miracles. What really is miraculous, Sagittarius, is that you finally managed to find someone to deal with your incredibly off-putting foot fungus. Best of health disney baby to you and yours. 
He's not real. Santa, and the guy on the internet who says he's really interested in making new connections and seeing where a friendship can go. He's what's known as a 'groomer'. Run away now Capricorn. 
While your efforts to master a new instrument are noble, I think the festive season is hard enough without being subjected to you generating sounds more likely to come from a dying cat than a violin, don't you? 
Save the Facebook status about how you can't believe it's already Christmas again, it seems like only yesterday you were unwrapping presents and writing exactly the same status last year. Get some new material or many people will cull you from their friends list. That's a promise, disney baby not a threat.  *There isn't anything more to humanity than Shane Warne's twitter musings. In fact, I think his poker updates and Instagram selfies are the meaning of life. 
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